wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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