i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
