i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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