How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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