paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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