Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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