He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
