I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
