Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
