she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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