oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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