It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
