I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
