I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
