dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
