My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
