somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
