I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
