please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
