Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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