I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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