will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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