She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
