I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The adults are the big ones right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
