can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
