Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
