So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
