Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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