I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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