I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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