I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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