I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
