I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize