Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
