When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
