when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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