I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
