this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
