i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Welp...herpes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
