Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
