i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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