laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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