I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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