So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
