I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize