Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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