i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
