I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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