McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
