Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is Oprah even human
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
