If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
