Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
