I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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