Buhtt sex?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
