South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize