You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize