The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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