If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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