Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize