I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
