i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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