I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
