Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
