dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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