i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
