weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
